Your computer won’t start. It’s anyone’s worst nightmare… because you know you’re going to have to talk to a geek.
This article on geek behaviors by Philip Guo, a PhD candidate at Stanford, lists nine behaviors that I’m all to familiar with. See, not only do I know geeks, but I am one. Technically, I’m a recovering geek, which is like being a recovering alcoholic. I can restrain the behaviors, but the thought processes are all still there.
The behavior that I see the most is the inability to cater a conversation to the listener. Overcoming this has allowed me to be successful as a technical author, because there just aren’t many people who can understand technology and communicate that to other people. Geeks, like little kids, assume that whoever their talking to knows everything that’s in their heads. Here’s a conversation you might have with a little kid:
Adult: “How was school?”
Kid: “Good. Mark took my lunch.”
Adult: “Who’s Mark?”
Kid (baffled at the question): “Mark is a kid in my class.”
Adult: “Why did he take your lunch?”
Kid (frustrated at having to explain everything): “He took everyone’s lunch. It was his turn today.”
And here’s a conversation you might have with a geek:
Adult: “So, can I login with my iPhone?”
Geek: “You can login with Kerberos or NTLM authentication.”
Adult: “How do I do that?”
Geek (sigh): “Well, you’ll have to get a module that performs Kerberos or NTLM authentication and configure it to submit requests to our domain controller.”
Adult: “OK, so, is there an app for that?”
Geek (annoyed): “No, iPhones don’t support Kerberos or NTLM.”
Another behavior I hate is revering technical knowledge above all else, and the need to validate one’s geek-esteem by showing off minutia that you’ve memorized. This happens more than ever when multiple geeks are around:
Adult: “Check out this my new iPhone–it takes awesome pictures.”
Geek #1: “That only has a 3 megapixel camera. My Android has a 5 megapixel camera.”
Geek #2: “Oh please, the Android only goes to ISO 400. At least the iPhone goes to ISO 800.”
Geek #1: “I know. That’s why I carry this flashlight around.”
Geek #2: “Great, hope it’s the same color temperature as the other lights in the room.”
Adult: “Look at my dog sitting on the couch! She sits just like a little person!”
Now, of course, every normal person knows that memorizing camera phone statistics is meaningless in the real world, but a cute dog is quite meaningful.
Alright, I’ve babbled on enough. Read Philip’s article.
