Karma’s a bitch, though. The last time he did this trick, his car lost traction and hit the curb, breaking his axle and oil pan, totaling his old car. It left him stranded, right in front of the people he had just splashed.

Anyway, this train video is for you, William.

Security nerds are my favorite breed of nerd. As a kid, they tried to convince themselves they had super-powers. As a teenager, they actually practiced to be a ninja, and maybe even got as far as getting their black-belt (a fact they’ll tell you on a regular basis). As an adult, their psuedo-nefarious urges continue to get more practical, and they master hacking, social engineering, and lock-picking.

These security nerds, presenting at a testosterone-free security nerd conference, demonstrate how to break into a hotel that uses “shim-free locks” and happens to have a half-inch gap below the door. Yes, it wouldn’t work at any hotel that actually follows construction codes, but if you happen to be in Haiti (too soon?), better put your valuables into the safe.

Just kidding, don’t bring your valuables to Haiti.

After the jump, more videos of security nerds taking their frustrations out on helpless locks.

Via Gadling.

Alright, this is interesting, though it comes around about twenty years too late. Most modern locks aren’t this easy:

I admit it. I’m a security nerd and I love this stuff.

Fun with bobby pins, just like on TV:

And my favorite, a rather sophisticated system for making your own BMW keys:

“Young, black, and famous,

with money hanging out the anus.”

I’ve always wanted to be that hip teacher that reaches the troubled inner-city youths by speaking in their own language: rap. I’d rap about Physics, Government, and Driver’s Education. Mostly, though, I’d rap about Grammar.

Those kids will always remember me as the teacher who really made a difference in their lives. Then, when one of them is elected the first black president, he’ll thank me in his inaugural speech. While lying on my death-bed watching the TV, a smile comes across my face, and I pass into the next world. Probably because God needed me to teach in heaven.

After the jump, my first lesson, urban youths: literary elements as they appear in hip-hop music. First, the video. Then, the literary elements and their definition. Finally, the specific lyrics from the song and the artist. I apologize that some of the videos are censored, significantly compromising their literary value. Definitions courtesy of Webster’s.

Allusion: an implied or indirect reference especially in literature
Anthropomorphism: an interpretation of what is not human or personal in terms of human or personal characteristics

Then you call your girl like, “What the hell you gave me?”
She like, “Don’t blame me. Better do like Jamie (1)
and blame it on the liquor.”
He works every time; Patron, you my nigga

–”Say Ahh” by Trey Songz

(1) The reference is to Jamie Foxx’s song “Blame it on the Liquor.”

Hyperbole: Latin, from Greek hyperbol? excess, hyperbole, hyperbola, from hyperballein to exceed, from hyper- + ballein to throw

You name it, I can claim it
Young, black, and famous, with money hanging out my anus

–”Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down” by Ma$e (with P Diddy)

Onomatopoeia: the use of words whose sound suggests the sense

I’ll make you say,
“Wee ohh wee ohh wee,
wee ohh wee ohh wee,
wee ohh wee ohh wee,”
like a cop car.

–”Mrs. Officer” by Lil’ Wayne

Irony: the use of words to express something other than and especially the opposite of the literal meaning

I’m trying to find the words to describe this girl
without being disrespectful…
Damn girl, damn you’s a sexy bitch.

–”Sexy Bitch” by David Guetta

Metaphor: a figure of speech in which a word or phrase literally denoting one kind of object or idea is used in place of another to suggest a likeness or analogy between them (as in drowning in money)

I used to have hood dreams, big fame, big chains.
I stuck my dick inside this life until that bitch came.

–”Forever” sung by Kanye West (with Drake)

By Chuck & Beans.

Sushi Cat is Plinko meets Katamari Damacy. Your job, as a cat, is to eat some raw fish. Unfortunately, the sushi restaurants doors are pressure-sensitive, and you don’t weigh enough to enter, and your timing is too slow to sneak in when the sumos enter. So, to get in, you have to eat a lot of sushi to gain enough weight to trigger the sensors. When you finally eat enough sushi to enter the sushi restaurant (to eat even more sushi?), the sushi restaurant is closed. So, you’ll need to eat more sushi to earn an extra yen and take the bus across the city to get into some sort of carnival where you can win sushi.

Alright, so the plot isn’t the highlight of this bizarre faux-Japanese game. It’s entertaining and simple, though. A couple of tips, my highscore, and more screenshots after the jump.

I got 482,925, and aren’t I proud of how I spent my morning. Be sure to hit the glowing/throbbing sushi, as they’ll give you bonus points (which are good for… I dunno, beating my highscore), extra cats, or a dragon cannon that relaunches your cat. When dropping your cat, keep in mind that it gets fatter as it eats sushi, so a spot that it can fit through at the top of the screen might be too small at the bottom of the screen.

More pictures, just for you:

Snow brings out the one-upper in people; any time you complain about some awful snow storm, some dick has a story about how they lived in the mountains of Colorado and shoveled six feet of snow. DarkRoastedBlend.com collected a bunch of awesome snow and ice pictures that will make you feel better about your winter, or worse, if you’re the martyr-type. A couple more pics after the jump. Enjoy!

…and it does it without pulling the pieces apart! Nerds built that with the Lego Mindstorm kit. After the jump, even more Rubik’s cube-solving robots that you’ll want to kick the crap out of.

Check out these slothy terminators:

I’m definitely not a health nut (I write as I eat leftover fried Sesame Chicken), but I’m cynical enough to question information even when I want to believe it. For those people who see a headline like, “Salt Prevents Prostate Cancer” and immediately eat some french fries, here are some things that are bad for you:

• Alcohol. Yeah yeah, a glass of wine a day can reduce your risk of heart attack. A 5oz glass of wine also has 100-150 calories in it–and your glass probably has a bit more than 50z in it, doesn’t it? If you add a glass of wine a day to your diet, you’ll gain about 15 lbs per year, and being overweight increases your risk of heart attack. Guess you’ll need to start having two glasses of wine per day, right?
• Pot. Oh, stoners. Always so skeptical about the government, yet so willing to believe their burn-out friends that pot is like weight lifting in a bong. First, pot IS addicting, just like gambling or sex–it’s just not chemically addicting like cocaine. Second, pot increases your appetite, making you eat more, making you fat, which brings on a whole other category of health problems. Third, pot slowly kills your brain cells. Know how pot-head stereotypes get “pot-head voice” and become forgetful? That’s because THC gradually (and permanently) breaks down your short-term memory capabilities and your brains speech center. Pot’s not as bad as tobacco, and it might not be as bad as alcohol, but it’s definitely an indulgence and should be done in moderation.

• Oranges (and orange juice). Bad for you! They’re filled with carbs and calories. Sure, they have Vitamin C, but you’re not exactly dieing of scurvy, are you?

• Bananas. Chock-full of potassium, calories, and carbs. When my dad joined the military he was underweight, so they gave him bananas to fatten him up. Just take a vitamin pill already! Note: I’m not even going to mention strawberries.
• Smoothies. See oranges and bananas.
• Diet sodas. It tastes like candy and has one calorie–seem too good to be true? It is. A recent study showed that each diet soda you drink per day increases your risk of being overweight by 41%. Here’s the problem: You taste something sweet, and your body gears up to digest some calories. Diet soda breaks that cycle, and there’s evidence that it can be permanent, especially when kids have artificial sweeteners. Want a healthy drink? DRINK WATER!
• Protein bars. If you’re trying to gain muscle, eat protein bars. If you’re not actively doing resistance training, your body will just convert that protein into fat. To make matters worse, those protein bars are usually covered in chocolate and stuffed with carbs and calories.
• Walking. Sure, walking burns more calories than sitting, but it’s not enough to make you lose weight. How ’bout this: RUN! RUN RUN RUN! If you can still speak while you’re running, you’re not breathing hard enough. Run faster, and keep it up for at least 20 minutes. Better yet, run for an hour.
• Sex. Sex is better than walking, because at least it gets your heart rate up–but chances are good it doesn’t keep your heart rate in the target zones for the 20 minutes or more that your body needs to start burning fat. If it weren’t so unsexy, I’d strap on a heart-rate monitor and prove it to you.

I’m not saying don’t do these things–I enjoy them all. Just don’t convince yourself that they’re good for you, or you’ll end up as one of the millions saying, “I eat right and exercise regularly, so why aren’t I losing weight?”

Pictured above is Rap Master Maurice, the one and only vigilante rapper. For only $12 he will call your enemy and rap to them all of the things they did to deserve an anger inspired rap. For $19 he’ll deliver a friendly rap. It’s the greatest deal of the century, folks, so purchase a rap before to the man is too popular to buy a part of. Here some examples of his work after the jump!

LINK: RapMasterMaurice

Made Out Of Glue – A Velntines message rap!

Sublet Your Ears – Revenge rap at its best!

]]> http://zingzama.com/uncategorized/rap-master-maurice/feed/ 0 http://zingzama.com/video/the-most-fun-you-can-have-in-a-wal-mart/ http://zingzama.com/video/the-most-fun-you-can-have-in-a-wal-mart/#comments Sat, 13 Feb 2010 19:59:28 +0000 Admin http://zingzama.com/?p=696

Growing up in Texas I spent many hours waiting for my mom to finish her shopping at the Wal-Mart. Frequently, my mind would wander to little boy fantasies of robots, aliens, and wanton destruction.

This man is my hero. The video is blurry, but according to the Associated Press:

Police have arrested a man for smashing 29 televisions at a Georgia Wal-mMrt. Authorities say the man grabbed a metal baseball bat from the sporting goods section before walking to the electronics aisle where he started swinging.

Hillbilly TV smasher, you are my hero.

A couple of months ago I featured Joshua Hoffine’s horror photography. If you’re wondering why your pictures don’t turn out as awesome as his, here’s the answer: David LaChappelle-like sets and budget. OK, Hoffine isn’t bringing in A-list celebrities like Chapelle, but he did an amazing job with a set to get one photo. The Chive has the complete set of pictures.

Here’s a quick way to spend ten minutes: One Button Bob. It’s a classic Pitfall-style platform game, except you use only your mouse button. What your mouse button does changes for each screen–sometimes you charge up a jump, throw your boomerang, stop, move forward, or climb a ladder. Best of all, the boss really is hard!

Set a high score by clicking less than other people. Expect to die plenty, but unlike stupid Super Mario Bros, dieing only sets you back a couple of seconds.

My high score after the jump…

According to Edible. com, Giant Hornet Honey, when consumed, gives you a pick-me-up effect, strength, and energy. All of that may or may not be true, but what I know to be a fact is that this honey looks *badass*. This is the honey I would put in my tea if I were a superstitious Japanese mobster with a thirst for blood and a lack of apologies! Actually, this is the honey I would put in my tea if I cared to afford a $35  small bottle of honey with a huge bug in it. Either way, this site is truly unique and has an admirable mission of delivering unusual delicacies to the western world. See more after the jump!

LINK: Edible.com

The day is December 25th 2009, the time is 8am. Little Chelsea asked for a kindle, but instead got what she can only imagine were slippers that were meant to be given to her elderly neighbor. Santa screwed up again, and this time he’s going to pay. Next year, in lieu of a plate of cookies, a plate of pate smeared crackers will be offered. When Santa reaches the bottom of the dish, there, in delicate handwriting, will be a note that reads, “Who’s naughty now, bitch? Hope you enjoyed your Reindeer Pate!”. He’ll head back to his sleigh with the smell of his friends and guilt on his breath wondering where his harsh judgement and his list ever got him. The End.

Oven baked tarantula, anyone? No, I didn’t think so. Let’s face is, this is the gift we give the family member that used your own hand to hit your face while asking, “Why do you keep hitting yourself?”. That having been said, if you left me alone in a room with it for 5 minutes it would be covered in reindeer pate and in my tummy.

Nitrome brings us this physics-based destruction game. You’ll start off by clicking the mouse to detonate explosives to bring buildings down, but it quickly gets more complex. You’re brilliant engineering team has converted a concrete mixer into a cannon, and you can use it to carefully fire cannon balls at buildings. You have two types of helicopters: one with a wrecking ball, and one with a gripping arm.

Sure, for a physics game, it’s not especially realistic. But look, we’re destroying stuff, not studying science.

Call in airstrikes to really destroy a building, but be sure to rescue the hapless construction workers, first, and avoid destroying innocent buildings. I got up to level 19 before I got bored–and isn’t battling your attention span the modern version of the high score?

Be sure to disable your ad blocker–it cracks me up that Google Ads is displaying advertisements for construction companies on the game’s page. Ah, flaws in context-based advertising.

You use your mouse to control the destruction, though you can scroll with the W, A, S, and D keys. If you want to restart the level, hit R.

Your computer won’t start. It’s anyone’s worst nightmare… because you know you’re going to have to talk to a geek.

This article on geek behaviors by Philip Guo, a PhD candidate at Stanford, lists nine behaviors that I’m all to familiar with. See, not only do I know geeks, but I am one. Technically, I’m a recovering geek, which is like being a recovering alcoholic. I can restrain the behaviors, but the thought processes are all still there.

The behavior that I see the most is the inability to cater a conversation to the listener. Overcoming this has allowed me to be successful as a technical author, because there just aren’t many people who can understand technology and communicate that to other people. Geeks, like little kids, assume that whoever their talking to knows everything that’s in their heads. Here’s a conversation you might have with a little kid:

Adult: “How was school?”
Kid: “Good. Mark took my lunch.”
Adult: “Who’s Mark?”
Kid (baffled at the question): “Mark is a kid in my class.”
Adult: “Why did he take your lunch?”
Kid (frustrated at having to explain everything): “He took everyone’s lunch. It was his turn today.”

And here’s a conversation you might have with a geek:

Adult: “So, can I login with my iPhone?”
Geek: “You can login with Kerberos or NTLM authentication.”
Adult: “How do I do that?”
Geek (sigh): “Well, you’ll have to get a module that performs Kerberos or NTLM authentication and configure it to submit requests to our domain controller.”
Adult: “OK, so, is there an app for that?”
Geek (annoyed): “No, iPhones don’t support Kerberos or NTLM.”

Another behavior I hate is revering technical knowledge above all else, and the need to validate one’s geek-esteem by showing off minutia that you’ve memorized. This happens more than ever when multiple geeks are around:

Adult: “Check out this my new iPhone–it takes awesome pictures.”
Geek #1: “That only has a 3 megapixel camera. My Android has a 5 megapixel camera.”
Geek #2: “Oh please, the Android only goes to ISO 400. At least the iPhone goes to ISO 800.”
Geek #1: “I know. That’s why I carry this flashlight around.”
Geek #2: “Great, hope it’s the same color temperature as the other lights in the room.”
Adult: “Look at my dog sitting on the couch! She sits just like a little person!”

Now, of course, every normal person knows that memorizing camera phone statistics is meaningless in the real world, but a cute dog is quite meaningful.

Alright, I’ve babbled on enough. Read Philip’s article.

Been there! Thanks to the artist, Jeph.

Here’s a great space shooter with lots of upgrades: Enigmata. Use the cursor keys to move around and the space bar to fire. Press X to speed up, and C to enter stealth mode (though I did well without these). Kill the bad guys, dodge their shots (and the Xs), and pick-up upgrades to heal and make your weapons more powerful.

I wasted half my childhood playing 1942 for 25 cents a shot, and while this game doesn’t quite give me the feeling I got in the back room of the Pizza Hut, the upgrade system gives it an entirely new dimension. In my opinion, the upgrades are a little too complex–you’re limited in the amount of upgrades you can have enabled, which means you have to waste time doing inventory management. Many of the upgrades only improve your performance by like 5%, so you won’t even notice them.

I got 435,780 my first time through before I died. It’s nice that you can save at the end of every level, so you don’t have to repeat levels like you do in Super Mario Bros for the Wii. I hate you, Super Mario.

Via DownloadSquad.