“Young, black, and famous,

with money hanging out the anus.”

I’ve always wanted to be that hip teacher that reaches the troubled inner-city youths by speaking in their own language: rap. I’d rap about Physics, Government, and Driver’s Education. Mostly, though, I’d rap about Grammar.

Those kids will always remember me as the teacher who really made a difference in their lives. Then, when one of them is elected the first black president, he’ll thank me in his inaugural speech. While lying on my death-bed watching the TV, a smile comes across my face, and I pass into the next world. Probably because God needed me to teach in heaven.

After the jump, my first lesson, urban youths: literary elements as they appear in hip-hop music. First, the video. Then, the literary elements and their definition. Finally, the specific lyrics from the song and the artist. I apologize that some of the videos are censored, significantly compromising their literary value. Definitions courtesy of Webster’s.

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Your computer won’t start. It’s anyone’s worst nightmare… because you know you’re going to have to talk to a geek.

This article on geek behaviors by Philip Guo, a PhD candidate at Stanford, lists nine behaviors that I’m all to familiar with. See, not only do I know geeks, but I am one. Technically, I’m a recovering geek, which is like being a recovering alcoholic. I can restrain the behaviors, but the thought processes are all still there.

The behavior that I see the most is the inability to cater a conversation to the listener. Overcoming this has allowed me to be successful as a technical author, because there just aren’t many people who can understand technology and communicate that to other people. Geeks, like little kids, assume that whoever their talking to knows everything that’s in their heads. Here’s a conversation you might have with a little kid:

Adult: “How was school?”
Kid: “Good. Mark took my lunch.”
Adult: “Who’s Mark?”
Kid (baffled at the question): “Mark is a kid in my class.”
Adult: “Why did he take your lunch?”
Kid (frustrated at having to explain everything): “He took everyone’s lunch. It was his turn today.”

And here’s a conversation you might have with a geek:

Adult: “So, can I login with my iPhone?”
Geek: “You can login with Kerberos or NTLM authentication.”
Adult: “How do I do that?”
Geek (sigh): “Well, you’ll have to get a module that performs Kerberos or NTLM authentication and configure it to submit requests to our domain controller.”
Adult: “OK, so, is there an app for that?”
Geek (annoyed): “No, iPhones don’t support Kerberos or NTLM.”

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Maybe you’re a stalker, or maybe you just want to know what personal information about you can be found on the Web. Either way, you’ll be surprised at the information that’s available. Just follow these steps:

1. Visit the stalker search site: 123 People, Pipl, and my favorite, WebMii (shown above). They all did a good job of finding me (though some of the pictures and links were for other people with my name). WebMii is fun because it gives you a score based on how famous you (or your name) are.

2. Visit Google (or another big search engine) and search for the person’s name in quotes (for example, “John Doe”). If Google yields too many results because the person has a common name, add the person’s state, town, spouses name, pets name, type of car, interests, or anything else that might distinguish them from people with the same name. Here’s what you’re looking for in the results:

• Anything interesting about the person.
• The person’s employer (often names are mentioned in press releases or on the company’s website).
• The town the person lives in (many towns post public records online).
• E-mail addresses the person uses (you’ll see these in forums/message boards/newsgroups sometimes).
• Aliases the person uses. For example, if you find a message in a forum signed with the person’s name, look at the nickname used to create the message. Make note of it.

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That segment is so convincing I literally zoned out about 5 seconds in. Force yourself to concentrate! Focus! Focus!

I’ve taken a night photography course (by Lance Keiting, a master) and it’s hard. Here’s the thing: it’s dark at night. Cameras use light. I haven’t done much work with fire, but I bet that’s hard, too. Fire is hot. Plus, it moves.

That makes these photographs all that more amazing. They’re each done by different photographers-click the pictures to visit each photographer’s website. HongKiat compiled these and other photos. Enjoy!

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